


Dear Self, From Tyler

by myspookyjoshdunchristmas



Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Cant do this anymore, Giving up on life, Heart Pain, Other, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide, Tired of living, Tried too hard, done
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-21
Updated: 2017-08-21
Packaged: 2018-12-18 11:10:35
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 417
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11873121
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/myspookyjoshdunchristmas/pseuds/myspookyjoshdunchristmas
Summary: It is what it is...A surrender, you win





	Dear Self, From Tyler

Dear self,

You're the only one who's ever going to get the pleasure of reading this, or seeing this. Is it right to call my surrender a pleasure? Maybe to some, maybe even you. I don't know what most desire from me anymore. 

 

I don't know what I'm living for anymore. 

 

Once upon a time I was a little boy who cared about the world and the creatures that lived there. I liked to pick them up. It made me happy. They were scared of me but I meant no harm. I was harmless. 

 

Or so I thought. 

 

I was harmful. I let my body suffer, I let you suffer, I let myself take the pain on your body. The purple marks, the open wounds, I let them colour your body. All because I was young. I was too naive, too selfish to fight back. 

 

Right now it's your fingers I'm using to write with, your fingertips I'm using to write down what's going through me right now. 

 

I just wanted to fit in. I wanted to be someone people wanted to know, people wanted to look up to, be a son parents wanted to be proud of, be a brother that siblings appreciated. Be a friend who was worth remembering. 

I just wanted someone to remember me. I just wanted a friend who cared about me. Who asked me if I was okay.

 

Be someone who was worth loving. I asked for simple things and was always looked down upon. 

 

I just wanted to be happy but no one let me be. I wanted to be happy. I wanted to wake up happy!

 

I wanted a day where I woke up excited of what was to come! I didn't want to be sad, I didn't want to go back to sleep! I didn't want dull days! 

I just wanted someone to fucking love me! 

Why won't anyone fucking love me?!

 

Why does everyone hate me?! 

 

I don't wanna be alone! PLEASE DON'T LEAVE ME ALONE! 

 

I feel like throwing up! I feel like throwing myself in front of a truck, feeling no more pain. 

 

I wanted to be the first thing on someone's mind.

 

I asked for too much now here I am.

 

Crying all alone, hiding away, plastering a fake smile on my face, no power to try and take my own life because I can't do it.

 

I'm suffering alone and I'm scared. I am so fucking scared. 

 

I don't know what I've become.


End file.
